i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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