my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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