So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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