Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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