FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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