great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
a search helicopter?!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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