Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
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Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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