glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
