i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my shit smells like andre
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just found puke in my bra..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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