I think im going to throw up on grandma
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
