The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize