Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were trust falling into bushes
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
