I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
