lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
