I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
