go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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