Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
