I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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