I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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