quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
