Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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