Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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