can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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