between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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