he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
