I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
