my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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