fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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