i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
