Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
