and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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