Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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