ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
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life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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