Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You did what with his pubic hair?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
