I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
