It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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