Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
