I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
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He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
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It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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