Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
