True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
