He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
