a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
