If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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