Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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