You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
