I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
