Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
