It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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