Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
