Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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