Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
