so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
