Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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