I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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