Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize