It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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