Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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