sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
