Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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