i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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