One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're a waste of cheezeits
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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