He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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