the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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