Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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