you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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