Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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