i was born a porn star she said
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
