she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
